Did you ever cry so hard you thought your face was going to split? Like your veins would tear through your flesh and burst spraying blood from your temples? I did.
Did you ever cry so hard you thought your lungs would collapse in your chest? As if your body couldn't take anymore air and even if it could you don't care enough to try? I did that too.
Did you ever cry so hard you thought your brain had melted and was now coming out of your nose in liquid form? And your sinuses were so jammed with pressure that its practically impossible to believe that anything could be liquid in your head except for your tears? Ya, I did that one too.
Did you ever cry so hard that you actually broke blood vessels in your eye tissue and you felt it happen? You couldn't leave the house for days and you suffered from a week long headache? I have.
Did you ever cry so hard that you felt like your stomach was attached to a vibrating motor? Shaking so violently and unsteadily that you think it might just explode out of your mouth in a violent vomiting fit? I did.
Did you ever cry so hard that all you wanted was your daddy to hold you close like he did when you were small and tell you everything was going to be okay? But you can't have him because you broke his heart years ago and he has no more compassion for you? I do.
Did you ever cry so hard that when the sobbing and snot and shaking stops, it all stops? I will.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Re-Thinking the Way We Think
Re-Thinking the Way We Think
Metta Ray
November 2008
The way we think, whether innate, learned or conditioned, has a direct effect on our success in life. Beliefs, self-esteem, self-talk, imagery, reactions and behaviors are all part of whether we achieve our fullest potential.
Have you ever wondered how you ended up where you are? In an effort to answer this question it is important to remember that how we think, what we do and how we react to events are a consequence of those choices. If you think you are a failure at your job, you will be the next one called for a lay-off. It is apparent in the way you present yourself, in the way you act and talk to others, and in the way do your job.
Every person I have ever met has some horror story from childhood about how a relative, teacher or other has said or done something negative to them. The reason these stories are so easily recollected is because it has truly shaped their life, unfortunately, more often in a destructive way. For example, a person who is constantly blaming their failed relationships on a comment made by a parent when they were young and no matter what they try to do to make their relationships work, they always come back to this negative childhood memory.
Beliefs are “A statement, principle, or doctrine that a person or group accepts as true.” (Merriam-Webster, 2004). They are so often mistaken by people as fact, when in actuality a belief is only what you believe to be true, not necessarily reality. To believe you are ugly, or you are not smart is not inevitably a truth, just because you think it. So, if you are always told that you are bad at math, then your belief is that you are indeed bad at math, even if you are not. In this example you have been conditioned to believe you are bad at math.
Self esteem is defined as ‘a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself’. The problem seems to lie with the mistaken idea that if you mess up, you are inadequate. “Self-esteem does not mean you have to be good at everything you do, and it does not mean you will not make mistakes along the way.” (Chidekel, 2003) If your self-esteem is low or less than complimentary it may not hurt to reform your thinking. By trying to see the positive in yourself, you enable a way to counteract the negative thinking and thus raising your self-esteem. Maybe you tried dancing when you were young and uncoordinated, and because you didn’t do so well you have a low self-esteem about dancing. This is something that you have learned through an embarrassing and unfortunate moment. It just may be that if you would try it again, you are not so bad at it after all. If you were to try to find the reasons you did not succeed at a younger age, such as your awkward body, or lack of instruction, you would be allowing yourself a way of seeing that there was never really any need for the lower self-esteem in the first place. Or, if you do try it again and find that dancing is really not your niche, than you can look at the things that you are good at and delete the unavoidably low self-worth that comes from negative thinking.
Self-talk is the ‘things you say to yourself mentally’. The old saying that ‘Only crazy people talk to themselves’ is not true, as a matter of fact all people talk to themselves whether they realize it or not. You can even have an entire inner conversation with yourself. The question is what are you saying? If you are beating yourself up about losing the soccer game or doing poorly on an exam at school, you are only damaging your own self-esteem. It is imperative to re-learn the destructive self-talk you have been used to speaking, and replace it with words of praise and acceptance.
Some people try using negative self-talk to motivate themselves to do things, like losing weight, but this only works for a short period of time because negative comments only take the confidence away and end up exhausting the energy that would have been used to exercise. It would seem apparent that using negativity in an attempt to self-motivate is counterproductive.
Changing these destructive words has to start with actually saying positive statements out loud. For instance you could say, ‘I am smart’ or ‘I am liked’. You have to fight the urge to think unpleasant thoughts about yourself. When you realize you are thinking these things, you must remember that tearing yourself down is just as damaging as someone else talking down to you. “I know that what I believe about myself is what l will become -- so I believe in the best for myself.” (Helmstetter, 1990)
Acceptance is something usually talked about when referring to other people. Why not direct that same gospel of acceptance at yourself? Accepting your own flaws and rewarding your accomplishments is necessary. Giving yourself the same respect you would show to a friend or colleague will boost your self-esteem enormously. Zig Ziglar said “Some people find fault like there’s a reward for it.” Whether it is fault in others or fault in self, there is never any positive that comes from finding fault.
Imagery is another important aspect of the way we think of ourselves. Imagery is ‘a set of mental pictures produced by the memory or imagination or conjured up by a stimulus.’ If you see yourself as an uninteresting person, you are less likely to speak up during the board meeting and therefore less likely to get the promotion you have been wanting and may feel you deserve.
The physical reaction that one has to healthy self talk and imagery is undeniable. You feel better, you look better, you present yourself better. ”The imagery thought process directly elicits a physical reaction in the body.” (Carolyn Chambers Clark, 1999) It has been proven through both psychological and medical studies that you can actually become more confident if you envision yourself as a more confident person.
Behavior is ‘The way in which somebody chooses to respond to a specific set of conditions’ and a vital key to success. Your behavior is what others see the most and what will determine your next step. You can choose to behave in a professional manner when you are turned down for the position you were interviewing for, or you can behave unprofessionally and make excuses and complaints.
In life there are victims and creators. A victim sees their life situation as everyone else’s doing. A creator sees their life situation as a direct result of their own choices. Victims have self defeating behavior patterns which aid them in continuing to be victims. To be a creator, one must change their behavior to be more positive and choose more wisely. A creator recognizes their role in the outcome of their success. Accepting responsibility for one’s own actions is the main asset to being a creator. When you can accept the blame for all of your choices, good or bad, you also hold the reigns to your own life.
The Wise Choice Process (Downing, 2005) includes six questions that help to guide any person in the right direction. The idea is to ask oneself these questions to make any choice clear. 1) What is my present situation? 2) How would I like my situation to be? 3) Do I have a choice here? 4) What are my possible choices? 5) What is the likely outcome of each possible choice? 6) Which choice(s) will I commit to doing? Once a person realizes their own ability to decide their own fate, there is no limit to the possibilities of success.
Every person has had failed attempts, whether they are failed relationships, jobs, school, or something much less superior, the trick is to try again. It is much more difficult to attain your life goals when you are the one talking yourself out of it. When you find that you are about to give up, if you will stop and imagine the end result you will be “literally creating a pathway in your mind, “ that you can “draw on in those moments of self-doubt”. (Clooney)
Re-Thinking the way you think is necessary in order to remove the self-damaging processes you have developed for yourself. The Mayo Clinic (Clinic, 2007) has come up with five easy steps to help boost your self-image. They are 1) Identify troubling conditions or situations 2) become aware of beliefs and thoughts 3) Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking 4) Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking 5) Change your thoughts and beliefs.
Forgiving yourself, much like accepting yourself, for mistakes is also an important part of re-thinking your thoughts. Sometimes you blunder, everyone does. Sometimes you choose the wrong path. Learning to look past an error and continue trying can be one of the hardest things to do, but if you are having a positive inner conversation with yourself then continuing on will seem like the only logical next step.
Re-thinking the way you think will lead to an all around improved situation. You will have a better belief system, an enhanced self-esteem, healthier self-talk and imagery and an excelled physical reaction. You will find that you are choosing your behavior more wisely and therefore making better life choices.
There is a quote by an unknown author that epitomizes this subject. It is “While we cannot direct the wind, we can adjust the sails”. We do have the power through mental transformation to change our direction if we will only re-think the way we think.
Bibliography
Carolyn Chambers Clark, R. J. (1999). Encyclopedia of Complementary Health Practice. Published by Springer Publishing Company.
Chidekel, D. (2003). Parents in Charge: Setting Healthy, Loving Boundaries for You and Your Child. Citadel Press.
Clinic, M. (2007). SELF-ESTEEM: BOOST YOUR SELF-IMAGE WITH THESE 5 STEPS. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research , http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129.
Clooney, S. M. (n.d.). http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Shannon_M._Clooney. Ezine.com .
Downing, S. (2005). On Course: Strategies for creating success in college and life (fourth edition). Houghton Mifflin Co.
Helmstetter, S. (1990). What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. Published by Simon & Schuster.
Merriam-Webster. (2004). The Merriam-Webster Dictionary. Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster Incorporated.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Sunday Dinner
Sunday Dinner
By Metta Ray
The sun peaks the mountain crest
The children rise and begin to dress
The hymns play loud for all to hear
Morning prayers are said, church time is near.
Mom in the kitchen preparing meat
Beef roast will be ready for all to eat
Placed in the pan, with water and spice
Now cut up the carrots, potatoes we’ll slice.
Onions, bullion, salt and ground chili pepper,
Garlic, water surround the beef supper.
Oven at 325 degrees, mind the hot stove
Pay attention please.
Her face so tired from the chores of night before
Her voice filled with love, her hands worn and sore.
The look in her eye, the food planned with care
The warmth in her heart, the memories I will share.
Off to the bathroom, shower and primp
The queen that appears is more than significant.
She pulls us together, she fixes our hair
We gather around her for our family prayer.
Home again from the preachers, she attends to the meat
With me right beside her, we prepare every seat.
Forks on the left, every crystal glass shined
The gravy is boiling the roast is divine.
The taste is of memories never forgot
The conversation a manuscript of love that is locked
Sunday morning comes weekly, of that I am sure
But now I am old and my own children procured.
I wake with the sun just peaking the crest
And I look in the cupboard and pick up the best.
A roast and an onion, some carrots and corn
I heat up the oven, 325 degrees warm
The potatoes are sliced, the carrots are wedged
The places are all set, no crystal to dredge.
Still forks on the left, glasses free of spots
The gravy still bubbles with care in the pot.
Memory flashes of her face as I season the roast
My own daughter stares on, maybe one day she’ll boast
Of her mother in the kitchen and the care and the warmth
Of her own Sunday dinners and the love that came forth.
By Metta Ray
The sun peaks the mountain crest
The children rise and begin to dress
The hymns play loud for all to hear
Morning prayers are said, church time is near.
Mom in the kitchen preparing meat
Beef roast will be ready for all to eat
Placed in the pan, with water and spice
Now cut up the carrots, potatoes we’ll slice.
Onions, bullion, salt and ground chili pepper,
Garlic, water surround the beef supper.
Oven at 325 degrees, mind the hot stove
Pay attention please.
Her face so tired from the chores of night before
Her voice filled with love, her hands worn and sore.
The look in her eye, the food planned with care
The warmth in her heart, the memories I will share.
Off to the bathroom, shower and primp
The queen that appears is more than significant.
She pulls us together, she fixes our hair
We gather around her for our family prayer.
Home again from the preachers, she attends to the meat
With me right beside her, we prepare every seat.
Forks on the left, every crystal glass shined
The gravy is boiling the roast is divine.
The taste is of memories never forgot
The conversation a manuscript of love that is locked
Sunday morning comes weekly, of that I am sure
But now I am old and my own children procured.
I wake with the sun just peaking the crest
And I look in the cupboard and pick up the best.
A roast and an onion, some carrots and corn
I heat up the oven, 325 degrees warm
The potatoes are sliced, the carrots are wedged
The places are all set, no crystal to dredge.
Still forks on the left, glasses free of spots
The gravy still bubbles with care in the pot.
Memory flashes of her face as I season the roast
My own daughter stares on, maybe one day she’ll boast
Of her mother in the kitchen and the care and the warmth
Of her own Sunday dinners and the love that came forth.
Press Release for WCA
Vermillion Lies to Visit the West Haven Center for the Arts
Press Release
By Metta Ray
West Haven Center for the Arts is excited to announce the visit of unique musicians and entertainers, Vermillion Lies of Oakland California, on April 11, 2008 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $12 ($10 for WCA members, seniors and students.)
Sisters, Zoe and Kim Boekbinder "Vermillion", have perfected their craft of silliness and comedy and have performed and delighted millions in places from Las Vegas to Russia.
This vaudeville style group features "What’s in the box?" as the question on which their performances are based and also the name of their new album. Sometimes joined on stage by Myles Boisen (guitar) and Seth Ford-Young (bass). When asked in a San Francisco Chronicle interview what type of music theirs should be filed under Kim responded, "If Tom Waits and Jim Henson and Billie Holiday and Tiny Tim and a house cat and a barbecue grill were put in a blender ... that would be really gross. But I like the music that all those people (and things) make.
Their performances includes folklore music, circus music and crowd participation. They entertain and enchant audiences of all ages.
This environmentally conscious act uses recycled packaging and vegetable inks and drives a bio-diesel van on their tour as well as kooky humor and slapstick style comedy. When interviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle they said. "We are not identical and we were born two days apart - Jan. 18 and 20," they say. "Kim was born with an amplified typewriter in her hands and Zoe with a kazoo in her mouth. We pay our mother's therapy bills."
Sonja Roseth, Director of WCA, said, "We are thrilled to have Vermillion Lies come to WCA. They’re funny, sexy, weird and a lot of fun". In comparison to other acts that perform at the center Roseth said "Last week we had a string quartet, next week we have washboards and bbq grills."
It’s a play-date for all that no one will want to miss! "The WCA is proud to bring such artistic diversity to the North Coast." Said Roseth
Press Release
By Metta Ray
West Haven Center for the Arts is excited to announce the visit of unique musicians and entertainers, Vermillion Lies of Oakland California, on April 11, 2008 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $12 ($10 for WCA members, seniors and students.)
Sisters, Zoe and Kim Boekbinder "Vermillion", have perfected their craft of silliness and comedy and have performed and delighted millions in places from Las Vegas to Russia.
This vaudeville style group features "What’s in the box?" as the question on which their performances are based and also the name of their new album. Sometimes joined on stage by Myles Boisen (guitar) and Seth Ford-Young (bass). When asked in a San Francisco Chronicle interview what type of music theirs should be filed under Kim responded, "If Tom Waits and Jim Henson and Billie Holiday and Tiny Tim and a house cat and a barbecue grill were put in a blender ... that would be really gross. But I like the music that all those people (and things) make.
Their performances includes folklore music, circus music and crowd participation. They entertain and enchant audiences of all ages.
This environmentally conscious act uses recycled packaging and vegetable inks and drives a bio-diesel van on their tour as well as kooky humor and slapstick style comedy. When interviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle they said. "We are not identical and we were born two days apart - Jan. 18 and 20," they say. "Kim was born with an amplified typewriter in her hands and Zoe with a kazoo in her mouth. We pay our mother's therapy bills."
Sonja Roseth, Director of WCA, said, "We are thrilled to have Vermillion Lies come to WCA. They’re funny, sexy, weird and a lot of fun". In comparison to other acts that perform at the center Roseth said "Last week we had a string quartet, next week we have washboards and bbq grills."
It’s a play-date for all that no one will want to miss! "The WCA is proud to bring such artistic diversity to the North Coast." Said Roseth
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Modern 'Fairy-Tale'
Slumbering Beauty
By Metta Ray
Depression is a head disease, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, or at least that is what the doctors would have you think.
* * * * * * *
Beauty was exactly that, a beauty. She lived in a pristine house, with her three aunts who were also beautiful women. They all wore the most glamorous clothes, and had the most recent hairdos; they were manicured and massaged to perfection.
They had everything they could ever need or want. They had Internet and credit cards, television and a home gym, servants to prepare their food and bring them anything they may ever need from the outside world. They never had to work or leave their beautiful house; as a matter of fact this is exactly what bothered dear 15-year-old Beauty.
She stared through the glass at the outside and wanted nothing more than to feel the grass, or the rain, or the wind, but her aunts forbade it. For as long as Beauty could remember, she was not allowed to go outside, she was told that it was too dangerous and that she didn’t need to go out anyway, because anything she needed would be brought to her. There were locks on the doors and windows that only the servants had keys to. This made beauty feel suffocated. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate everything she had she just wanted to do anything for herself.
The eve of her 16th birthday, Beauty felt restless. Her aunts had told her that they had a wonderful surprise for her and that it would be the best thing she had ever gotten! She couldn’t sleep and out of anticipation, she paced through the halls of the house and even though it was the middle of the night and she was supposed to stay in her bedroom, she thought her aunts would understand that she was just way too excited!
She looked in all the obvious places first, trying to find her gift. “What could it be?” she wondered. After all, she had everything already.
As she was on the floor searching for the ‘gift of a lifetime’ she felt a cool breeze on her cheek. She looked up at the direction of the draft and realized that the window above the kitchen sink had been left open by one of the servants!
She froze. She had always dreamt of feeling the grass under her bare feet, but now she didn’t know if she had the guts to take the chance. Beauty considered the punishment she might get from her aunts if she were to be caught, but decided that since it was her birthday tomorrow, they wouldn’t really be that hard on her if she were just to take a quick look. “After all, I’ll be 16 tomorrow. I’m practically grown!” she thought to herself. “Besides, it’s 2 a.m. My aunts won’t even be awake for at least another five hours. They won’t even know I went outside.”
Beauty made her decision and moved quickly and quietly toward the open window. She climbed up on the kitchen sink and took a leap into the cool darkness.
As her eyes adjusted to the blackness of night, she realized that the strange feeling on her feet was exactly what she had wanted for so long. She was standing with bare feet in the cool grass.
She was so very excited, she almost squealed like a child! Beauty caressed the grass with her hands and feet for so long that she began to worry her aunts might miss her. She was reaching for the window sill to pull herself back inside, when she heard something through the hedge on the other side of the lawn. She slowly crept toward the sound, she didn’t want to be seen for fear of being caught, not to mention, she was in her pajamas. As Beauty came closer to the hedge, she could see the cause of the sound.
There he was riding a skateboard ramp under the floodlight of the driveway. He stood taller than her, and wore clothes like the boys on X-Games. She had seen many skate competitions on TV and understood the sport well, and although her aunts usually made her change the channel, she would watch it whenever she could. He had shaggy brown hair and a kind, masculine face.
Beauty tried to get a little closer to improve her view, when a large yellow dog came busting through the hedge at her knocking her down and barking loudly.
Beauty screamed with fright, she had never been this close to a real dog before and she was worried she would be caught disobeying her aunts.
The skater boy suddenly appeared standing over her and holding back the dog by its collar. “Are you okay?” he said with a concerned voice “Rock! Be quiet! Don’t worry, he won’t bite.”
Holding Rock with one hand, he extended the other to help Beauty up.
She stared into his deep blue eyes as he lifted her to her feet. He smelled both like the men’s cologne she had sampled in magazines and the aroma of her gym socks after a hard workout. She liked it.
“I’m just gonna put Rock on his chain, I’ll be right back. Stay here.” The boy said.
Beauty stood in the dark in shock of the events that had just taken place. More had happened in the last ten minutes than had ever happened in her life. She considered going back to the kitchen window, this was way too much. But something held her there. Maybe it was the boy, maybe the excitement, maybe the grass between her toes, but he was back before she had a chance to figure it out.
“Sorry about that. My name is Chance, what’s yours?”
She stared at him in complete amazement. So this is what a boy looks like she thought to herself as she took in all of him. The way he stood, the way he smelled, the way he smiled at her...”Beauty. My name is Beauty”
And just like that, Beauty was in love with Chance.
They sat on the grass through the night talking about everything, sharing their minds and hearts and even tongues.
As the birds began to chirp and the sky began to illuminate, Beauty told Chance of her aunt’s rule about going outside and that she must hurry back in before they woke up.
They shared one last teenage kiss and she promised Chance she would find a way to get back to him that night, even if she had to break a window.
Beauty entered the kitchen window as quietly as she could and made her way back to her bed just in time to hear one of her aunts starting the shower.
“Happy Birthday Beauty!” sang her aunts. She had only just fallen asleep after her midnight rendezvous when her aunts woke her with a large box and a loud song.
She sat up in bed, delirious from the lack of sleep, and smiled thankfully at her aunts. She opened her gift and found a spectacular black evening gown and letter.
The letter told of her past and her fate.
She had been born to wealthy ambassadors who had made a few enemies in their careers. The life of their only child had been threatened when she was an infant, so to preserve her life and ensure a necessary political marriage in the future her parents sent her to live far away with three college friends where the assassins would not find her.
She was to be married to a wealthy debutant and be brought on the day of her sixteenth birthday to Yorkshire to live out her life as the wife of Sir John Banal.
A tear came to Beauty’s eye as her heart sunk with despair. “But, what about Chance?” she pleaded to her aunts.
“There is no chance” Her aunt replied.
Beauty slumbered for years waiting and hoping that Chance would somehow find her.
Of course, the doctors said it was just a severe chemical brain imbalance.
By Metta Ray
Depression is a head disease, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, or at least that is what the doctors would have you think.
* * * * * * *
Beauty was exactly that, a beauty. She lived in a pristine house, with her three aunts who were also beautiful women. They all wore the most glamorous clothes, and had the most recent hairdos; they were manicured and massaged to perfection.
They had everything they could ever need or want. They had Internet and credit cards, television and a home gym, servants to prepare their food and bring them anything they may ever need from the outside world. They never had to work or leave their beautiful house; as a matter of fact this is exactly what bothered dear 15-year-old Beauty.
She stared through the glass at the outside and wanted nothing more than to feel the grass, or the rain, or the wind, but her aunts forbade it. For as long as Beauty could remember, she was not allowed to go outside, she was told that it was too dangerous and that she didn’t need to go out anyway, because anything she needed would be brought to her. There were locks on the doors and windows that only the servants had keys to. This made beauty feel suffocated. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate everything she had she just wanted to do anything for herself.
The eve of her 16th birthday, Beauty felt restless. Her aunts had told her that they had a wonderful surprise for her and that it would be the best thing she had ever gotten! She couldn’t sleep and out of anticipation, she paced through the halls of the house and even though it was the middle of the night and she was supposed to stay in her bedroom, she thought her aunts would understand that she was just way too excited!
She looked in all the obvious places first, trying to find her gift. “What could it be?” she wondered. After all, she had everything already.
As she was on the floor searching for the ‘gift of a lifetime’ she felt a cool breeze on her cheek. She looked up at the direction of the draft and realized that the window above the kitchen sink had been left open by one of the servants!
She froze. She had always dreamt of feeling the grass under her bare feet, but now she didn’t know if she had the guts to take the chance. Beauty considered the punishment she might get from her aunts if she were to be caught, but decided that since it was her birthday tomorrow, they wouldn’t really be that hard on her if she were just to take a quick look. “After all, I’ll be 16 tomorrow. I’m practically grown!” she thought to herself. “Besides, it’s 2 a.m. My aunts won’t even be awake for at least another five hours. They won’t even know I went outside.”
Beauty made her decision and moved quickly and quietly toward the open window. She climbed up on the kitchen sink and took a leap into the cool darkness.
As her eyes adjusted to the blackness of night, she realized that the strange feeling on her feet was exactly what she had wanted for so long. She was standing with bare feet in the cool grass.
She was so very excited, she almost squealed like a child! Beauty caressed the grass with her hands and feet for so long that she began to worry her aunts might miss her. She was reaching for the window sill to pull herself back inside, when she heard something through the hedge on the other side of the lawn. She slowly crept toward the sound, she didn’t want to be seen for fear of being caught, not to mention, she was in her pajamas. As Beauty came closer to the hedge, she could see the cause of the sound.
There he was riding a skateboard ramp under the floodlight of the driveway. He stood taller than her, and wore clothes like the boys on X-Games. She had seen many skate competitions on TV and understood the sport well, and although her aunts usually made her change the channel, she would watch it whenever she could. He had shaggy brown hair and a kind, masculine face.
Beauty tried to get a little closer to improve her view, when a large yellow dog came busting through the hedge at her knocking her down and barking loudly.
Beauty screamed with fright, she had never been this close to a real dog before and she was worried she would be caught disobeying her aunts.
The skater boy suddenly appeared standing over her and holding back the dog by its collar. “Are you okay?” he said with a concerned voice “Rock! Be quiet! Don’t worry, he won’t bite.”
Holding Rock with one hand, he extended the other to help Beauty up.
She stared into his deep blue eyes as he lifted her to her feet. He smelled both like the men’s cologne she had sampled in magazines and the aroma of her gym socks after a hard workout. She liked it.
“I’m just gonna put Rock on his chain, I’ll be right back. Stay here.” The boy said.
Beauty stood in the dark in shock of the events that had just taken place. More had happened in the last ten minutes than had ever happened in her life. She considered going back to the kitchen window, this was way too much. But something held her there. Maybe it was the boy, maybe the excitement, maybe the grass between her toes, but he was back before she had a chance to figure it out.
“Sorry about that. My name is Chance, what’s yours?”
She stared at him in complete amazement. So this is what a boy looks like she thought to herself as she took in all of him. The way he stood, the way he smelled, the way he smiled at her...”Beauty. My name is Beauty”
And just like that, Beauty was in love with Chance.
They sat on the grass through the night talking about everything, sharing their minds and hearts and even tongues.
As the birds began to chirp and the sky began to illuminate, Beauty told Chance of her aunt’s rule about going outside and that she must hurry back in before they woke up.
They shared one last teenage kiss and she promised Chance she would find a way to get back to him that night, even if she had to break a window.
Beauty entered the kitchen window as quietly as she could and made her way back to her bed just in time to hear one of her aunts starting the shower.
“Happy Birthday Beauty!” sang her aunts. She had only just fallen asleep after her midnight rendezvous when her aunts woke her with a large box and a loud song.
She sat up in bed, delirious from the lack of sleep, and smiled thankfully at her aunts. She opened her gift and found a spectacular black evening gown and letter.
The letter told of her past and her fate.
She had been born to wealthy ambassadors who had made a few enemies in their careers. The life of their only child had been threatened when she was an infant, so to preserve her life and ensure a necessary political marriage in the future her parents sent her to live far away with three college friends where the assassins would not find her.
She was to be married to a wealthy debutant and be brought on the day of her sixteenth birthday to Yorkshire to live out her life as the wife of Sir John Banal.
A tear came to Beauty’s eye as her heart sunk with despair. “But, what about Chance?” she pleaded to her aunts.
“There is no chance” Her aunt replied.
Beauty slumbered for years waiting and hoping that Chance would somehow find her.
Of course, the doctors said it was just a severe chemical brain imbalance.
Dark Utah
Dark Utah
By Metta Ray
A new TV program featuring Utah will be coming to primetime television in April 2008 featuring local talent and local folklore.
A team of young entrepreneurs have put together a television series that will be focusing on the darker side of Utah legends. James Cawley, 24, is the director of IN THE DARK STUDIOS based in Logan, and is the creator and director of this series, Dark Utah.
Starting with the famous Logan Canyon Nunnery, the Time Tunnels, and the Bear Lake Monster, this show will “explore the more interesting parts of this historic state [Utah]” says Cawley.
Cawley attended Utah State University in Logan where he earned a bachelors degree in graphic arts/multimedia integration and a minor in directing. He has many projects and businesses including CACHEVIDEO.COM and IN THE DARK STUDIOS. The hostess of the show will be another local individual and USU student. Tasia Hatch, 29, has been brought on to the project as the ‘face’ of Dark Utah. Hatch is an undeclared student at USU and a single mother of three. She recently joined the team “I am very excited to do this” she said “I’ve never done anything like this before, but so far its been great.”
Another part of this project includes a team of interviewers that will be travelling through the state finding stories and interviewing individuals about said mysteries. “Dark secrets and ancient legends have been passed down for generations” said Cawley. “This gives us a lot to film”
Another feature to this new series is the interactivity. Individuals can log on to DARKUTAH.COM and submit their own stories and see investigations and clips from the show. Hatch commented “This show has a lot to offer, from history to horror. I hope people will tune in. They won’t want to miss it.”
By Metta Ray
A new TV program featuring Utah will be coming to primetime television in April 2008 featuring local talent and local folklore.
A team of young entrepreneurs have put together a television series that will be focusing on the darker side of Utah legends. James Cawley, 24, is the director of IN THE DARK STUDIOS based in Logan, and is the creator and director of this series, Dark Utah.
Starting with the famous Logan Canyon Nunnery, the Time Tunnels, and the Bear Lake Monster, this show will “explore the more interesting parts of this historic state [Utah]” says Cawley.
Cawley attended Utah State University in Logan where he earned a bachelors degree in graphic arts/multimedia integration and a minor in directing. He has many projects and businesses including CACHEVIDEO.COM and IN THE DARK STUDIOS. The hostess of the show will be another local individual and USU student. Tasia Hatch, 29, has been brought on to the project as the ‘face’ of Dark Utah. Hatch is an undeclared student at USU and a single mother of three. She recently joined the team “I am very excited to do this” she said “I’ve never done anything like this before, but so far its been great.”
Another part of this project includes a team of interviewers that will be travelling through the state finding stories and interviewing individuals about said mysteries. “Dark secrets and ancient legends have been passed down for generations” said Cawley. “This gives us a lot to film”
Another feature to this new series is the interactivity. Individuals can log on to DARKUTAH.COM and submit their own stories and see investigations and clips from the show. Hatch commented “This show has a lot to offer, from history to horror. I hope people will tune in. They won’t want to miss it.”
The Persian Peacock
Metta Ray
LOGAN—Like a peach in a basket of green apples, The Persian Peacock is a rarity in this small Utah town. Located across the street from the Logan Tabernacle, a place of LDS worship, the Peacock has a small storefront with fine-looking lingerie and classy accessories. Although this little shop takes such an unassuming posture, there is still so much unsolicited negativity surrounding it.
Like any specialty shop, Jessica McWhinie, owner of The Persian Peacock, offers a product that is not available just anywhere, so what’s the big deal? “The majority of the people that attack the shop, have never actually stepped foot in the door.” Said McWhinie “Most are operating on an assumption” There was an instance last summer where a woman passing on the street stopped and stuck her head in the door of the shop and told the clerk on duty “I just want you to know I think you store is a disgrace to this town” according to McWhinie.
When entering the locally owned shop a small bell rings and you find yourself in a clean, organized store, surrounded by modern clothing, jewelry, accessories, stickers and fragrances. The ceilings are high and the walls are painted in cheerful colors. The store is quite delightful “We have gone out of our way to make sure our store is not smutty” McWhinie said. There is a pleasant looking clerk at the counter next to the entrance who is happy to help you find whatever you may be looking for. Towards the back of the store you will find night-time apparel for men and women and if you go way to the back, you will see the adult toys that have so many citizens of Logan calling The Peacock a ‘smut shop’. No one under the age of 18 is permitted in the back and unless you go looking for it, you wouldn’t even know the ‘toys’ are there.
The Peacock is a subtle, unobtrusive shop. No one is required to enter unless they want to and no one is required to purchase anything and yet there is still so much negative buzz.
A letter was written to the Peacock in response to an advertisement run in the USU Statesman in January, 2008, featuring an animated ‘pin-up girl”. The letter was from a female student and among other comments, included that she would appreciate it if they would refrain from using “negative and degrading picture[s] of women in the Statesman.” The Peacock owner and staff chose not to respond to the letter at that time, but said that they would never do anything to degrade anyone “We’re strong independent women” McWhinie said. “The picture in the add was not degrading to women, Barbie and boob jobs are degrading to women”
The Persian Peacock now performs ‘home shows’, which are an event where people can invite a representative from the store to come in to their home and give a presentation explaining the uses and benefits of each product available at the store. According to McWhinie “there has been way less negative back-lash since we have started to do home shows” Most of the issues surrounding the “negativity towards The Peacock seems to be focused on ignorance”, McWhinie said “home shows are a chance to educate house wives that things like nipple cream are okay”
LOGAN—Like a peach in a basket of green apples, The Persian Peacock is a rarity in this small Utah town. Located across the street from the Logan Tabernacle, a place of LDS worship, the Peacock has a small storefront with fine-looking lingerie and classy accessories. Although this little shop takes such an unassuming posture, there is still so much unsolicited negativity surrounding it.
Like any specialty shop, Jessica McWhinie, owner of The Persian Peacock, offers a product that is not available just anywhere, so what’s the big deal? “The majority of the people that attack the shop, have never actually stepped foot in the door.” Said McWhinie “Most are operating on an assumption” There was an instance last summer where a woman passing on the street stopped and stuck her head in the door of the shop and told the clerk on duty “I just want you to know I think you store is a disgrace to this town” according to McWhinie.
When entering the locally owned shop a small bell rings and you find yourself in a clean, organized store, surrounded by modern clothing, jewelry, accessories, stickers and fragrances. The ceilings are high and the walls are painted in cheerful colors. The store is quite delightful “We have gone out of our way to make sure our store is not smutty” McWhinie said. There is a pleasant looking clerk at the counter next to the entrance who is happy to help you find whatever you may be looking for. Towards the back of the store you will find night-time apparel for men and women and if you go way to the back, you will see the adult toys that have so many citizens of Logan calling The Peacock a ‘smut shop’. No one under the age of 18 is permitted in the back and unless you go looking for it, you wouldn’t even know the ‘toys’ are there.
The Peacock is a subtle, unobtrusive shop. No one is required to enter unless they want to and no one is required to purchase anything and yet there is still so much negative buzz.
A letter was written to the Peacock in response to an advertisement run in the USU Statesman in January, 2008, featuring an animated ‘pin-up girl”. The letter was from a female student and among other comments, included that she would appreciate it if they would refrain from using “negative and degrading picture[s] of women in the Statesman.” The Peacock owner and staff chose not to respond to the letter at that time, but said that they would never do anything to degrade anyone “We’re strong independent women” McWhinie said. “The picture in the add was not degrading to women, Barbie and boob jobs are degrading to women”
The Persian Peacock now performs ‘home shows’, which are an event where people can invite a representative from the store to come in to their home and give a presentation explaining the uses and benefits of each product available at the store. According to McWhinie “there has been way less negative back-lash since we have started to do home shows” Most of the issues surrounding the “negativity towards The Peacock seems to be focused on ignorance”, McWhinie said “home shows are a chance to educate house wives that things like nipple cream are okay”
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